Should you move cities for your job? Should you go spend six months taking care of your ageing parents? Should you give up your career to stay home with the kids? You can’t make those decisions on your own when you’re married. Or at least, you shouldn’t.

When you’re married, any major decision should be made as a couple. If you cultivate your relationship the right way, if you both feel that the relationship is the priority, you’ll get all of the support you need when deciding to move across the country, to stay away from home for a bit, to create the best environment for your children.

Not only that, but if you successfully put your relationship first, once it’s all over — you’re retired, your parents are gone, the kids have lives of their own — you’ll still have each other. And you’ll be together in happy companionship.

If the relationship doesn’t come first, one day you’ll realize that you’ve lived together for thirty years like roommates, with each doing their thing, and now that all the “things” are over, you can barely recognize the person sitting next to you. No wonder, you haven’t actually looked at them for years.

Once you get married, everything else comes second. That’s why marriage is such a big step. You’re choosing your life partner, the person who’s going to be there for you no matter what.

But you’re not choosing a cheerleader, who’s going to be busy not only cheering for

you, but doing their own routine on the sidelines as you pursue your goals on the field.

No, you’re choosing a co-pilot. Someone who’s going to be locked in that cockpit with you, guiding the plane that’s your marriage for thirty, forty years or more.

It will take the two of you to make sure that that plane keeps flying and, eventually, lands safely. You’ll need to build a hell of a good relationship to tolerate each other for so long in that cockpit. If one of you steps out to check on the passengers for too long, the other won’t be able to keep the plane on course by themselves. It will crash.

So don’t check on the passengers for too long. Don’t get distracted by life and leave your co-pilot alone in the cockpit. Remember, they can hold the plane by themselves, but only for so long.

Put your marriage first, and everything else you have to tackle in life will get a lot easier.

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Nwabueze Favour is a blogger, writer, content developer, a data analyst and a development enthusiast. A social media expert, an avid reader and a lover of books, music and movies.

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