There’s been an increased trend of an unusual madness and craze over marrying a guy who lives outside the shores of the country despite all odds.
It’s mostly referred to as “abroad husbands”.
Mostly, if not in all cases, this craze about marrying an abroad husband is fought for and pursued at all costs. Marrying a guy who is based abroad to the ladies who share this craze is like heaven on earth. The joy that comes with it is second to none.
When you see girls with this dream, after they have been able to lure one, they glow like the sunshine. The joy is unexplainable.
The reason for this craze is most times unknown, although many have argued that for most of these females, it is a thing of class and most times, it goes beyond class to denote a permanent change in the economic conditions of the ladies and their families.
Sometimes too, economic reasons may not suffice to offer sufficient explanation for this quest. In short, sometimes there is no reason for the reason these girls embark on such marriages.
Overtime I have come to tell myself that searching for rationales behind these strange union, may not be the way out. Condemning it out rightly in strong terms may only suffice to be the only option in stopping the rising tide.
I have always wondered if men abroad make greater husbands than their counterparts here in Nigeria. Any lady that marries a man abroad or even dating one is seen as having the best of the marriages or already in heaven.
Maybe some ladies who have married these abroad husbands should form a union and organize quarterly seminars to enlighten the rest of us.
Another strange feature of this craze is; these girls just want to marry a guy who stays outside Nigeria no matter the country. All that matters is that they move abroad. It will amaze you to know that most of them end up being left here only for the guy to travel alone with one excuse or another.
It will baffle you also to know that most of these guys were met online, thanks to Facebook, twitter other social media platforms.
Once an average Nigerian lady who has the abroad mentality gets an abroad guy making advances at her, she can drop her relationship of five years with a man down here just to know if she will get the opportunity of grabbing an “away” guy.
For some of them, what the guy does abroad is a story for another day. Once the conversation line is open, marriage plans are forced to follow up. It is fearful that these ladies start planning a future with someone they have little or no knowledge of. He’s a potential husbands just because you have the dream of appearing at the airport one day and if you are lucky, you may have to fly out of the shores if this country.
One day I happened to board the same flight with a lady, we were seat neighbors. As the journey progressed we engaged into a discussion and I found out that she had gone to visit her boyfriend who she said stays in Germany but visited Nigeria during that period.
They met online, had been chatting for like three months before he came into the country.
During this short visit, the guy proposed and the lady responded with a big “YESSSSSSSSSSSS”.
One needed to see the smile on her face when she informed me of the guy’s marriage proposal and how she said yes. (May be she felt if she didn’t say yes immediately, she might have gone dumb the next second).
It shocked me beyond my wildest imaginations that a lady in 2019 would accept a proposal from a guy who she had barely known for 3 months and who she had only communicated with via Facebook and WhatsApp chats. They only spent five days seeing each other and getting to know each other.
Probably, these five days, as is the case most times, was occupied with countless rounds of hot sex and little or no quality time for effective communication that precedes marriage.
Courtship and other preliminary inquiries were thrown to the wind. Caution was dashed out and catastrophe was looming.
I asked her what the guy does for a living abroad and she said she wasn’t sure but she just knows that the guy is into all these computer stuff. Like seriously? The guy you just said “yes” to, his occupation is “computer stuff”.
My problem with these sorts of marriages is that it always backfires and the girl is always the victim.
For me I grew up knowing that marriage is a game of friendship and not something you can just jump into with the hope of becoming friends later.
Don’t get me wrong. Some great couple didn’t go into long courtship before they tied the knot, but I can bet you on the fact that you can’t in most cases, make one of the best marriages by saying yes to a man you “just” met via Facebook chat.
If you must know, some of these guys are already married abroad or have nothing doing abroad.
But even in cases where they are gainfully employed, what happens to following the due processes in choosing a life partner?
Some of these women who are so desperate to go abroad, find themselves being left at home after the wedding. The guy travels back alone and comes back once in two years or when he thinks it due for the woman to get pregnant.
Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed not endured. The choice is yours but I would always urge you to choose the best.
Don’t focus on the now, think about what five years from now could be with that man you are so crazy about today. Wealth, riches and the geographical location of a man are great but are in no way among the priorities that precede the choice of whom to spend your life with.
There is more to marriage than the geographical location of a man.
Location does not determine how great a marriage would be. Understanding, friendship, compatibility, commitment, honesty and openness among many other factors does.
No doubt, marriages and relationships are full of sacrifices, but be sure to make them for the right person.
If he’s leaving you down here to travel abroad, make sure he is worth it because the loneliness is really not funny.
I don’t joke with being cuddled by my husband. It’s second to nothing.
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