The Shameful experience of an usher.

One beautiful Sunday morning, it was in my final year.

An usher approached me. She said she loved my smile and would like it if I joined the ushering department. She said my smile would attract more persons. I almost gave up the ghost. “Who am I that ushers beg me to join them?”

I considered the offer and thought… “perfect way to slay and sell myself” so I took the offer.

But I didn’t start immediately. I decided to use the next Sunday and observe how they operate so as not to fall my own hand. I even told the girl I have experience in ushering.

So, the Sunday I wanted to use for observation came na. I dressed to kill with makeup on point.

But, maybe God didn’t like that I lied about having experience in ushering. I went and used kajal on my eyes.(Kajal is something like an eyeliner but in powdered form. It’s mostly used on new born babies).

Saturday night before Sunday, I was awake till late into the night rehearsing how I’ll be cat walking in church henceforth. I developed on funny “phonee”and started saying ‘Gad’ instead of ‘God’ that I’m used to…

These whole practice took me time , so I slept around 2am and service was for 7am.

I woke few minutes after 5am so as to finish my makeup and be at the church on time.

That’s how I entered church in a slaying mood and sat slayishly.

Things were moving on well till pastor started preaching.

My eyes started turninoninown. I fought sleep back and forth but it wouldn’t go.

So, I slept off. After a while, I noticed someone was tapping me continuously. I peeped and saw her skirt. It was an usher. “Hey Gad, I have fall my own hand today.”

I didn’t want the girl to know I was sleeping so I pretended to be meditating. And to clear doubts, I had to rub my hands on my eyes. So I did.

I had totally forgotten that I applied kajal. The usher left.

Few minutes later, my pastor was just roaming around me. He will talk and talk and ask me “Favour, kedu? (How’re you). I was like; Hia!!! pastor even noticed me today.

But he wouldn’t stop. He kept staring at me. At a point I felt so uncomfortable. “This’s not right abeg”. Then he left the pulpit again and came closer “Favour, Favour, nawao.”

Time for offering, he kept smiling “Favour how far now”

I just concluded something was totally wrong. My feet was already cold. “Why is pastor famzing me like this abeg”

Finally church dismissed. I stood up to leave but people won’t stop looking at me. Like if you see gazing. That kind of stare that would make you ask an adult; “madam, why are you staring at me?”

All of them kept staring without saying anything. I quickly left the church.

Outside, I ran to a car mirror. A face was staring at me. I turned back with force to know the owner of the face and to tell her to shift but no one was behind me.

That can’t be my face so…

I checked again.

God! I didn’t remember Gad again!

I was looking like someone who’s job is to supply charcoal. My face was messed up big time. Everywhere. I couldn’t move again.

This shame is beyond me please. I walked quietly to a tree, found a bench, sat with head bent and waited for people to leave the church premises.

I didn’t try to clean it because that would’ve made it worse.

I later went back to the hostel and slept all day.

That kind of shame even took away my appetite. Gad have mercy.

That kajal took two days to totally leave my face for me.

Since then, we became arch enemies. I can’t use my money and patronise village people in the name of kajal.

Makeup has done me shege I no go lie you.

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Nwabueze Favour is a blogger, writer, content developer, a data analyst and a development enthusiast. A social media expert, an avid reader and a lover of books, music and movies.

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