Yesterday, I attended a Church service. During the announcement, they announced that barren women or women looking for the “fruit of the womb” will be having a 1-day prayer and fasting to bind the spirit of barrenness and so that every woman who wants to have a child would conceive.
And I couldn’t help but ask “What about men with low-sperm-count? What about men with erectile dysfunction? What about impotent men? What about men who are infertile and can’t get a fertile woman pregnant?”
Because of this same ignorant practice, I grew up thinking that a man is always fertile and that infertility is a thing that can affect only women.
But, like seriously, in this day and age, this Church is still in this silly practice where they assume that the woman is responsible for every infertility issue a couple suffers?
Statistically, men have the problem of infertility at about same rate as women do. In some cases, both the man and the woman are okay but genetically incompatible.
Mutiat Sunshine wrote a post about how she attended the naming ceremony of a child to a couple who had been married for 14-years. She said many people were saying “The man tried.” The question is why did everyone assume it was the man who “tried”? Did it occur to you that it just might have been the man who had infertility issues and couldn’t get the wife pregnant? Did it occur to you that maybe it was the woman who actually “tried” because the man had low-sperm-count, was impotent, or had any other condition that affected his fertility?
I’ve got a serious problem with the ignorant assumption that when a couple has a problem of infertility, the woman is by default the cause and thus the one who needs prayers and medical tests.
I LOVE the current minister (Apostle) of my parents’ Church. I don’t want to challenge him, but I wish I could gather the courage to walk up to him to ask him why they are only praying for barren women and not doing same for infertile men. I wish he would read this post and understand my point.
When a couple experience challenges having biological children, it could be due to some factors and causes. These factors and causes can be attributed to the man or the woman ALMOST EQUALLY.
It is VERY IGNORANT to assume that the woman is always the one with the problem whenever a couple is finding it difficult to have a biological child.
This is an ignorance birthed by patriarchy and sustained by patriarchy. That whenever there’s an issue with a marriage, the woman must be the cause.
You know, if you tell an impotent man or man with erectile dysfunction, low-sperm-count or a man with any other type of fertility issue that he is the one who needs prayers and needs to see a doctor, it would bruise his ego. So, let’s just feign ignorance and always blame it on the women; the historical “beasts of burdens”. 🙄
Churches need to stop peddling mass ignorance. I’m hoping that some pastors and church ministers will read this and stop this whole thing already. Why should you always pray for barren women and ask them to fast and pray, but not do same for infertile men?
A whole lot of Nigerian women who are termed barren are actually very fertile and NOT barren, they have just been so unfortunate to be married to infertile men.
I once wrote about a couple that I know who couldn’t conceive for over 13-years. The woman went through a lot of humiliation from the man and his family. The man was advised and pressured to marry another woman and divorce the first wife away.
He succumbed, married another woman but was still unable to get her pregnant. It was after he tried with a third wife and after the first wife had remarried with two children that it dawned on him and the whole town (who knew their story) that he was the one with the problem. It took him over 20-years of stupidity and trial-and-error (with wives and side chics) to realize that he has a problem.
The last I heard of them, the first wife already had three children and he was yet to solve his problem and yet to have a child.
The first wife was lucky to have gotten married early. Thus, even after 13-years of marriage and divorce, she was still under-40 and yet to hit menopause. So, she was still ovulating and was able to get pregnant naturally after she remarried.
Imagine she had hit menopause before she left the man, the world would have probably believed she was barren.
As far back as my memory can take me, whenever a Nigerian man gets married to a woman and they are unable to have children, almost everyone advises him to try other women. Today, I, Nkechi Bianze is advising women whose husbands have been unable to get them pregnant to try other men. We need the balance to set the record straight. 😑🤨😏
written by Nkechi Bianze
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