I’d give specific examples here, but frankly I don’t have any, because it differs by person and couple. But one thing is true: keep on doing it.

Very often, marriage and long-term relationships creates what I call: “The Gremlin Effect”

The “Gremlin Effect” is that phenomenon where people just kind of change once they’ve been together a while. They change their effort, or their expectations. Sometimes they change both. They stop trying but I think it’s important you know that if you’re not actively growing and building your relationship and your love, then you’re actively letting it die.

Keep dating the person they grow into, not the person from years ago, whom you wish they’d stay. This goes back to the previous point on realistic and healthy expectations. People change.

And love means changing, too — hopefully in the same direction.

As your partner changes, you need to learn to appreciate and fall in love with the new person they become. Most simply become resentful and hurt. “You used to….” Avoid any thought that begins with those words. They are poison. Focus on love, appreciation and getting to know your partner over and over. Support them to be the best that they can be.

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Nwabueze Favour is a blogger, writer, content developer, a data analyst and a development enthusiast. A social media expert, an avid reader and a lover of books, music and movies.

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